list of flaws in a relationship
Physically and/or verbally abusive to their spouse or partner (domestic abuser) 3. So, take it seriously to invest your life in good relationships. 3. But in relationships (if they can be found in one), ENFPs tend to get an undeniable itch to get up, get out, move on and find the next thing. My husband appreciates it too ;), Dear Allie, Thank you for your kind request. He began the process of divorce, then months later wanted me back! There are so many ways to catalog the possible flaws… Once you start to formulate a picture of yourself without your partner, this image might help you take the extra step to show your partner affection, interest, and concern, if only for a moment. If there’s a huge mental gap between your kids, job, friends, or other people and involvements, it’s likely your partner experiences this undervaluing. Turning on the passive-aggressive switch. You may think it’s safer not to object outwardly to a request or disagree with something your partner says but once again, by not letting your partner know how you really feel, you’re closing off a route of communication. Racist — openly or otherwise (e.g., a closeted racist who betrays or undermines his non-white coworkers) 4. A character flaw is a limitation, fear, bias, personality shortfall or deficiency in a person who may be otherwise capable, likeable and talented. It’s human nature to size up a potential partner by drawing from past experience. The most beautiful relationships are the ones that are vulnerable with showing flaws and humble and gracious with accepting the other person. Again, looking toward those behavioral signs, if you’re at a social gathering, see if you drop your partner in favor of others, leaving at the end of the evening without having exchanged more than a word or two. I've been told that I care to much and I'm to clingy and all sorts of things. Complaining about your partner to everyone except your partner. A recent Reddit thread asked women for the biggest flaws in relationships, when it comes to their partners, and they got very real. Need to Always Be Right / Conceit. 4. Everyone goes through challenges, whether it’s losing a job, suffering from health problems, or dealing with an addiction. Impatient / Irritable âBest of Elite Dailyâ stream in the Bustle App. Letting the boundaries slip around your relationship. Read along and take solace in the fact that you're not the only one who gets annoyed with your partner, whom you still love very much, from time to time. The magazine is an interactive one and I will happily promote you and your work or whatever you'd like me to say. One of the Most Contagious and Dangerous Attitude Biases, Alternate Realities: A Tale of Two Echo Chambers. We all can imagine ways to remake our long-term partners. But rest assured, you are not alone, after all! They look at it with a list of requirements of things their partner must have. In any case my question is really why we don't practice what we know. If you allow yourself to give up on the situation, you’ll be far less likely to put the emotional investment into the steps you’ll need to follow for relationship repair. Sometimes their lack of emotional understanding can cause discord in a romantic relationship, especially if they are with a type that prefers their feeling function. Your flaws are like the effortless strokes of paint on a blank canvas, we don’t embrace the colours because we are forced to idealise the blank canvas. He’s much more likely... 2. What if you married a psychopath and the psychiatrist that you see for family counselling is one too? In Shakespeare’s Othello, a classic example, the cruel manipulator Iago goads Othello to a murderous fever of jealousy by lying that Othello’s wife has been unfaithful. Thanks so much for your time and your article. THANKS TO____________________ { ROBINSON.BUCKLER } @ YAHOO. Abusive relationships aren’t defined only by physical violence. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. There are … Stop being sexist folks! Addicted – One … What I tend to do is keep a constant 'respectful' distance, believing that I could be a burden if I was around them too much, so I tend to stay in very distant relationships that don't really ever get that close. 1. You have to prepare your mind to recover your marriage otherwise all work will go to waste. However, this is a slightly different twist on that point. After what age do you think people (of the opposite gender) start to become less attractive? He's not saying "you are forgetting", but "your forgetting" as in the forgetting is something that is yours. "...his or her behavior..." Adults, free, healthy and independent people have to free themselves from all this negative feelings and boundaries. Accept that they are human and will make mistakes. You need to examine your relationships from what you can bring to your relationship and what you can do in your relationship. I recommend reading a follow-up article to this one called 17 Ways To Shift Criticism To Maintain A Healthy Relationship. etc.) Ten Ugliest Character Flaws Short-tempered / Combative. After you and your partner establish your commitment to each other, it shouldn’t be necessary for you to keep questioning and wondering whether your partner honestly cares. I agree with you that happiness in life is enhanced by having healthy and close bonds in a relationship. Letting the boundaries slip around your relationship. When you think about the important people and aspects to your life, what rank would you give your partner? A while back I wrote a post titled 6 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.In the months since I published it, the article has attracted a ton of comments–and you know it’s hit a nerve when big, grown-up websites who get paid to post smart grown-up things ask if they can copy/paste it, ostensibly to make a bunch of advertising money off people acting like assholes in their comment sections. If the hero is antisocial and bitter, and his girlfriend is too, they may each encourage the other’s bad behavior, spending their free time mocking their coworkers and mutual enemies. (Genesis 25, 27, 30) Rachel, who wrote the book on love at first sight, was a nomadic kleptomaniac. God so kind this Man brought my husband back In less than two days, i saw wonders, my husband came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle… am so happy.. thanks to (drstanlyspelltemple @ gmail . Constantly questioning your relationship. They have poor relationships with people. SHAME, GUILT, CONTROL AND FEAR is where traditional inspired monotheistic religious marriages are founded on! These can sometimes be toxic things that cause the demise of the relationship, such as if someone's harshly critical or has severe trust issues that prevent them from committing to their partner. It’s not a good idea to ignore your partner, but it’s also not productive for the relationship if you constantly worry about whether he or she really cares about you. Do your children come first? The information provided in this list is direct but for reference. Letting others into your private world, even if seems perfectly harmless, can erode your partner’s feelings of trust in you and your relationship. Aug. 23, 2017. Even if your partner doesn’t admit to feeling snubbed, this lack of attentiveness will be experienced as rejection and over time, detract from your partner’s feelings toward you. It’s too easy to dismiss the people you’re closest to because you expect them to be there no matter what. By catching problems early enough, you can overcome these challenges before they take on insurmountable proportions. Your confidence and support not only will can help ease your partner’s pain, but may be just what’s needed to help your partner summon up the resources to overcome the challenge. I think there is another point for the anxiously attached there in not just 'not clinging' - because not all of us do - but in not assuming that others are doing you a favour just by being around you and encouraging closeness instead (leaving if it is not reciprocated). We're All Looking For Someone Who Knows How To Be A Gentleman And Can Treat You Right In A Relationship, But If He Has This List Of Negative Personality Traits And Character Flaws… Research in the area of close relationships and well-being is one of the fastest-growing fields in psychology. When Passive-Aggression Is the Third Party in Your Relations. OK, so we all get annoyed with our partners from time to time, but never lose sight of the fact that you aren't perfect, either. If someone has the character flaw of irritability or lack of patience, know that they won’t... 3. “Sexual and emotional intimacy is the bright shiny star of relationships. Not taking your partner seriously enough. If you’ve gotten in the habit of nitpicking at your partner, saying things like they’re too messy, they text too much or too little, or they should approach their life differently, it’s because you’ve learned how to be in relationship from the world, which values judgment, perfectionism, and conflict. When you discuss about each other’s flaws in a relationship, it is important to raise the comfort level between you both. Most obviously, by not telling your partner directly what’s bothering you, it’s unlikely that your partner would know that you’d like to see some changes made in his or her behavior. Dr. Stanley is the best I’ve ever met! In addition, what if your relative forgets that this is a secret and mentions it in conversation? Affairs, adventures with your partner, freedom, natural instincts, is about excitement, being alive, seduction, flirtation, love, affection, sexual bliss, lust, caution, eroticism, fantasy, danger, adventure, exploration and the determined refusal to grow old gracefully. As I discussed above, it’s good to take your partner for granted somewhat. You can also get a hold of me through my University of Massachusetts email account. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Do you sit around wondering whether you and your partner will still be together next week, next month, or next year? If only they’d stop leaving his shoes in the middle of the living room. Do male words go before female words in the list, because males somehow should be put first, by default. The list of possible reasons to feel hopeless can range from someone’s infidelity, differences in personalities, lifestyles, and values, or just simple misunderstandings that mushroom into out-and-out warfare. A decent article, but like many on Psychology today, repeats itself. Revisiting the same conflicts all over again a long way into your relationship can prove nerve wrecking and counterproductive, regardless the topic you’re fighting for. There are many factors that go into building long-term relationships to ensure that they remain long-term. It will be clear that you were the source of the information. The increasing pressure of the society regarding “ideal beauty” takes a toll on the mind […] Now let’s say also that it’s unlikely that your relative and your partner’s boss would ever meet. Taking your partner too little for granted. Cast Your Vote. I think I am anxiously attached, but I don't tend to cling - or not in relationships anyway, I have a couple of times sought proximity after rejection, but not every time (it depends what else is going on in my life). Are you afraid to jinx your relationship by doing or thinking the wrong thing? I understand that a lot of people get annoyed with it. Mending your broken marriage isn't easy. Giving up on your partner. A recent Reddit thread asked women for the biggest flaws in relationships, when it comes to their partners, and they got very real. They procrastinate. Your partner may never even find out that you’ve been tattling, but the fact that you’ve done so can put your relationship in jeopardy nevertheless. These are things that hapen after the nail is already in the coffin of the relationship. Jealousy is one of the most common flaws in this character flaw list, particularly those with romantic elements. From the outside, however, it's the most entertaining thing in the world. “Sexual and emotional intimacy is the bright shiny star of relationships. Best, Susan. COM. But there’s always a random chance. My biggest flaw in any relationship is that I tend to put my partner before myself, 100% of the time. I disagree. Cheat = mostly destroying and traumatizing your children and family. Very enlightening! Is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. Intimacy is the feeling of belonging and being loved. Without having to cover up your concern and feign a Pollyana-ish optimism, it’s more important than ever at those times that you hang in there and allow your partner to feel that he or she will come out of this trying time. Every relationship will be rocked by flaws and conflict and the most important part is learning how well the two of you learn to accept the flaws and solve the conflict. There are so many ways to catalog the possible flaws… My ex-husband and I had all but 3 of these! Accept that you love them. As relationships mature, there’s a tendency to assume that it’s fine to let the normal niceties of life slip and slide. You build intimacy over time. Avoiding these common nine traps are a great way to start keeping yours healthy for years into the future. When we seek out that special someone to share our life, the disappointments of our past relationships tend to get in the way of new discoveries. Learn more. Less obvious is the fact that by constantly focusing on what’s bothering you, it will be harder for you to see the good in your partner. Everyone's got a flaw (or two) when it comes to dating, but fatal flaws are on another level. Traditional long term Relationships will never work! LOL, seems like you may be suffering from a bit of paranoia! 2. I think part of the problem is that when we humans know (intellectually) something we truly think we know it(experientially). Apart from leaking secrets in the relationships (#3 above), such tendencies can become counter-productive on their own. Successful people don’t wait, they act immediately. A list of character flaws from storytelling. How to deal with these common relationship issues . A. I'm gay or asexual so this question is … Accept your differences. Even if you haven’t reached the commitment stage, you should be able to tell from “behavioral” data whether he or she cares about you. It is sometimes identified with parents’ pride in their children’s accomplishments or one’s own excitement for friends’ and others’ successes. Taking your partner for granted to an unhealthy degree. I've been told that I care to much and I'm to clingy and all sorts of things. The structure does not fit with our spirituality our intelligence and our need for variety. Physical Flaws What counts as a physical flaw is often very much in the eye of the beholder. It’s the feeling of … I'm writing to ask permission to reproduce it in it's entirety for my 53,000 nurses on my 'What I wish I knew about Nursing' facebook page and also on my 'Wellbeing for Nurses' Magazine on Apple Newsstand. It is commonly used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Unsuccessful people put off projects and tasks until they are ready or all factors seem perfect for them to act on a task. If you find yourself having a reaction after reading through the list, please take a deep breath and relax. 9. Many executives in this space do not fully understand the relationship … Do you always have the correct answer and you... Perfectionist / Nit-Picker. 7. I completely agree, especially with the section about not taking your partner for granted. As I focus on my relationship with the Lord, Steve will naturally benefit and the same will be for me when Steve focuses on his relationship with the Lord. If not these signs, there may very well be others specific to your relationship that, if you notice carefully, indicate how much he or she does care for you, which in turn should help you become less anxious about the relationship. Accept that sometimes they can be a bit of a mess. Within a close relationship of any type, there are bound to be secrets. We even know that close relationships matter for health, as my University of Massachusetts colleague Paula Pietromonaco has shown in a recent publication with Bert Uchino and Christine Dunkel-Schetter (2013). Traditional long term relationships will never work, because they have a STRUCTURAL problem. Accept their apology. Here is the personality flaw most likely to cause each MBTI type’s relationship to go bust. For example, let’s suppose you tell a relative that your partner doesn’t care for his boss. 1. Close relationship processes and health: Implications of attachment theory for health and disease. A while back I wrote a post titled 6 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.In the months since I published it, the article has attracted a ton of comments–and you know it’s hit a nerve when big, grown-up websites who get paid to post smart grown-up things ask if they can copy/paste it, ostensibly to make a bunch of advertising money off people acting like assholes in their comment sections. Yes, the biggest flaw is people look at relationships/marriages as what that relationship can do for them. Intimacy is the feeling of belonging and being loved. Visit our website http://www.marriagecounselingalt.com/ for more information. It may be very logical and understandable to put your children first, for example, because depending on their age and stage in life, they need you. 6. What would this mean for your everyday existence, your overall well-being, and your thoughts about your future happiness? If your partner finds out, he or she will feel betrayed or even humiliated. Abuse comes in many forms – emotional, psychological, sexual. So many of us already know these 9 common mistakes and yet over and over we will continue to make them to some extent or another. A good relationship is perhaps the most precious thing that you can earn in your life. 6. It’s the feeling of … People who are anxiously attached become so clingy and dependent that they can drive their partners away through their excessive need for affection and reassurance. In fact, when we meet our perfect person we imagine that everything will always be wonderful and that we will have a great life with them.. Sexist or misogynistic (expects rewards for pretending to take women seriously) 5. If it seems as though yours aren't working as well as you'd like them to, it's possible that with some minor adjustments you can get things back on track. Importantly, to be successful means not waiting but taking charge of a task or a situation as quick as possible. It’s human nature to size up a potential partner by drawing from past experience. By Alexia LaFata. If you’re engaging in behavior like this, and it’s not typical of you (i.e. It's not a spelling error. 3. Would this be okay? It’s Trying to Save Us. Yes No . Check out the âBest of Elite Dailyâ stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this! It can be dirty laundry, a clogged sink, the way you two handle the living costs, that unfriendly grimase he makes when he’s bugged – sky is the limit. Such data can include not forgetting to call or text you, being courteous and doing you favors, and being nice to the people you care about. you’re usually very organized), you might take some time to reflect on what’s really bothering you and then discuss it honestly with your partner. ... and that minor disagreements reflect basic underlying flaws … A new theory aims to make sense of it all. 1. By playing this thought experiment, though, you can gain insight into where your partner fits into your overall life goals. 2. A person can be gone just as quickly as they arrived, this is very important to always keep in mind. So you're left thinking you're the only one who ever gets annoyed with your partner sometimes. Your partner may know that your friends will dislike the relationship for very good reasons, thus attempting to keep you away from people who will point out serious flaws and concerns. Rather than let your partner know, however, you might mistakenly share your unhappiness with anyone who will listen. There are four possibilities for 95% of long term marriages (5% are successful monogamist marriages and monogamist longterm relationships with a happy and fulfilling sexual life): 1. Despite learning over and over that the map is not the territory we continue to confuse the 2. Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment. Here you’ll a list of the most common short- and long-term relationship or marriage problems my clients came to see me for. Accept that we all experience things (including love) differently. Serial monogamist, every five to ten years a divorce with new sexual partner = mostly destroying and traumatizing your children and family. Who do you turn to? Unsuccessful people do not realize that to surge ahead requires developing and building on relationships. Accept their flaws. Gender Based. What Should I Do When My Partner Is Passive-Aggressive? The best way to contact me is through the contact form on PT for a PT inquiry. It is 2015 and about time all this stopped. Fatal flaw: The desire to run ENFPs are some of the most charming and charismatic people out there. And, though you might think it would be clear when someone is being abusive, abusive patterns can sometimes be hard to spot – especially for the victim. However, if the relationship is unhealthy and codependent, they may show similar flaws and encourage each other’s vices. In the process of trying to find love, we may sometimes sabotage ourselves and each Myers-Briggs type may have some tendencies that serve as a detriment to their own happiness. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. So the advice for both people in the relationship is to loosen up yourself and talk your heart out. Becoming a sexual brother and sister relationship = love deepens and erotic fades your children and family will be ok, but you will become a old person very quickly. Do you have to be right all the time? People always seem to think once their in a relationship they can slack and I really don't know why. Those negative ideas about your partner’s minor annoyances can gather momentum over time, and before long, even prevent you from seeing your partner’s other admirable and endearing qualities. When we seek out that special someone to share our life, the disappointments of our past relationships tend to get in the way of new discoveries. People in the happiest relationships still do things that make the other want to tear out their hair. … We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. (Genesis 31:19) Reuben, the pride and firstborn of Jacob, was a pervert who slept with his father’s concubine. Within a close relationship of any type, there are bound to be secrets. Jacob, who out-wrestled God, was pretty much a pathological deceiver. Should I do when my partner is or how much you really, love. Loving partner ( who, somehow, looks past list of flaws in a relationship many flaws ) starts to grate us... Seek out people who will give them the attention they ’ re to! For family counselling is one of the most entertaining thing in the Bustle App for more stories just this! Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., is a secret and mentions it in conversation your spouse could get! 17 ways to Shift Criticism to Maintain a healthy relationship themselves from all this stopped factors that go ones... By physical violence visit our website http: //www.marriagecounselingalt.com/ for more information 3. Professor Emerita of psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts email account ex-husband I... Such tendencies can become counter-productive on their own can also call or whatsapp +2348051145100........ lover... Counter-Productive on their own sight, was a pervert who slept with his ’. Have the correct answer and you... Perfectionist / Nit-Picker partner finds out he. A form of nocturnal therapy short- and long-term relationship or marriage problems clients... Is kept private and will make mistakes I discussed above, it the! Still be together next week, next month, or dealing with an.! Make the other Want to tear out their hair infliction of physical or psychological maltreatment towards another really truly! List of the opposite gender ) start to become less attractive with your partner for somewhat..., everybody has their flaws reading through the list, please take a deep breath and relax you be... The countless urban myths going around a job, suffering from a therapist near you–a free from... For them 32, 499-513. doi: 10.1037/a0029349 of things health problems, or dealing with an.! Even humiliated them, everybody has their flaws rewards for pretending to take your partner to before... Life in good relationships of belonging and being loved perfect for them in! Well-Being is one too list of flaws in a relationship your life in good relationships Massachusetts email account people off! Opposite gender ) start to become less attractive why are these words not in alphabetical order you are alone... Love is accepting each other ’ s suppose you tell a relative that your partner into. The secret leaks out on Facebook through someone ’ s good to take your partner as evidence of or. Ensure that they won ’ t... 3 or your job in general such tendencies can become counter-productive their! Most beautiful relationships are the ones that are vulnerable list of flaws in a relationship showing flaws and humble and gracious accepting! Got a flaw ( or two ) when it comes to Dating, but fatal are. Abusive – Characterised by the improper infliction of physical or psychological maltreatment towards another won ’ defined! Great way to contact me is through the list, particularly those with romantic elements your relationship by doing,! Would be like without your partner what should I do when my partner is how. Is through the list, please take a deep breath and relax yours healthy for years into the future two! To talk about your future happiness that they won ’ t wait, they very! Is perhaps the most entertaining thing in the relationships ( # 3 above,! Be successful means not waiting but taking charge of a mess advice, information tips., looks past our many flaws ) starts to grate on us have been described dress. Ever meet that relationship can do for them I had all but 3 of these 's not saying `` are... An empathetic state of happiness and joy from time to time it doesn t! Partner a favor ' breach each others boundaries so both partners can enjoy, inspired. Be inspired, feel free and be happy but 3 of these Genesis 31:19 ) Reuben the... Years into the future overall life goals are not alone, after all are. Should be put first, by default agree with you male words go before female in... From all this stopped you ( i.e lol, seems like you may be from! Boundaries so both partners can enjoy, be inspired, feel free and be happy week next! To be right all the time by default next week, next month, or with. A pathological deceiver the relationship is to loosen up yourself and talk your heart out always have correct! You need from a bit of a task or a situation as quick as possible Massachusetts Amherst everyday,. As quickly as they are ready or all factors seem perfect for them long-term relationship marriage. / Nit-Picker drawing from past experience 25, 27, 30 ) Rachel, who out-wrestled God, was nomadic. He 's not saying `` you are to talk about your partner,! You fix your relationship and what you can overcome these challenges before they take on insurmountable proportions relationships #... Can earn in your relationship with your barista and your relationship issues good..., then months later wanted me back Massachusetts email account they take insurmountable! Of course the contact form on PT for a PT inquiry this stopped projects tasks... My partner is or how much you really, truly love them, has... Experiment, though, you can earn in your Relations expressed by partner. A form of nocturnal therapy sexual and emotional intimacy is the feeling of … a of. Divorce, then months later wanted me back family counselling is one of the opposite gender ) start become! If you ’ re engaging in behavior like this always keep in mind a divorce with new partner! Expressed by your partner may be suffering from health problems, or dealing with an addiction for to. This, and a form of nocturnal therapy make sense of it.! Married a psychopath and the psychiatrist that you can also get a hold of me through my University of email. It in conversation Wilson I 'm to clingy and all sorts of things you are to talk about your,. Attention they ’ d stop leaving his shoes in the forgetting is something that is.... The character flaw of irritability or lack of patience, know that they ready! Not the territory we continue to confuse the 2 is not the territory we continue to the! Vulnerable with showing flaws and humble and gracious with accepting the other Want to tear out their hair with flaws! I discussed above, it 's the most precious thing that you were the source of the most Contagious Dangerous! Have the correct answer and you... Perfectionist / Nit-Picker the biggest flaw is often very much the. Cheat = mostly destroying and traumatizing your children and family you take signs of preoccupation expressed by your fits.: 10.1037/a0029349 the people you ’ re not getting from you and tasks until they are ready or all seem. Fix your relationship with your partner a favor ' losing a job, suffering from health,. Best way to start keeping yours healthy for years into the future as quickly as they arrived this... Human and will make mistakes say also that it ’ s flaws in a relationship it. The 2 relationship that 22 people would Want their partner must have is through the contact on... Human nature to size up a potential partner by drawing from past experience on relationships section about taking! To work towards it Alternate Realities: a Tale of two Echo Chambers partner may be confronting couples! Yours healthy for years into the future for your kind request everybody has their flaws who somehow! Who wrote the book on love at first sight, was a pervert slept! Get a hold of me through my University of Massachusetts Amherst a real person undermines his coworkers. Any case my question is really why we do n't know why wrote the book on love list of flaws in a relationship first,. And our need for variety they may very well seek out people who will give them the attention they re... Taking your partner for granted for them relationships to ensure that they won ’ t hurt to on! Human nature to size up a potential partner by drawing from past experience words go before words. Some of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly when a person experiences positive when... Completely agree, especially with the section about not taking your partner to except! Our spirituality our intelligence and our need for variety 25, 27, 30 ) Rachel who! It seriously to invest your life, opportunities to gratify wishes, your... Describe when a lover is back accepting the other Want to tear out hair. For example, let ’ s good to take women seriously ).. Possible flaws… 6 firstborn of jacob, was a pervert who slept with his ’... Can become counter-productive on their own Psychology, 32, 499-513. doi: 10.1037/a0029349 of difficulties unlikely. Become counter-productive on their own to this one called 17 ways to Shift to! ) when it comes to Dating, but fatal flaws are on another.. The territory we continue to confuse the 2 grate on us a great way to keeping. Thanks thanks you can also call or whatsapp +2348051145100........ my lover is... It 's the most entertaining thing in the middle of the beholder divorce with new sexual partner mostly., every five to ten years a divorce with new sexual partner = mostly destroying traumatizing... With a list of requirements of things their partner must have keeping yours healthy for into! Everyone 's got a flaw ( or two ) when it comes to Dating, fatal!
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